it hasn't actually hit me

that Michael Jackson the King of pop is actually gone until now.
while i was listening to his songs on youtube it finally hit me.
WOW, after so many years and so many albums.
People took him for granted and saw him differently through out
the years & now that he's gone people realized how much of a great person he really is.



He is a legacy and may his legacy live on forever !

how well...

DO YOU HONESTLY KNOW ME ?
Do you really know me ? I don't like it when people thinks that they know me when they clearly don't.
Do you honestly know everything that I've been through ? I've been through so much that YES it did make me turn into the person that I am today, whether you like it or not this is me now. I know I've changed and I know that a lot of people aren't proud in a way but hey I like who I am now and I LOVE everything and everyone that's in my life. I chose to be the person I am today, I've never been so proud of myself dealing with all the things that has been happening within the time I turned 18. I know some of my decisions hasn't been bright decisions but I've learned from it all and even though I'm struggling I know I'll manage. I hate it so much when people especially girls judge me from what they heard or how I look. I know all the news people hear about me aren't always good news but why believe the rumors ? ask me ! I know I look like this really snobby bitchy girl, but aren't all girls like that when you don't know them at first ? When people actually take the time to get to know me, it's a totally different story and you'll know that I'm not even close to the person you thought I was. I may have those moments where it will seem like I don't like you, just take that into heart cos' I may just have things on my mind.


short and simple, "DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER, COS' YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT KIND OF STORY IS WRITTEN ON THOSE SHEETS"

as days pass....

I get axious of the future. what's in store for me ? I have so much plans for myself. I've got everything down from where I want to live, where i want to work, what i want to do etc. But when i think about it all in all, i think to myself I am really going to make it ? Is my parents going to be correct? I want to prove so much people wrong, that I am capable of being what I always dreamt of being. That I can be that successful person, having my name known and having all the things that I want in life in the palm on my hands. I want to be that person that everyone knows. I want to flaunt it in everyone's face that I'm not the person people thinks I am, this bitchy-all up in your face-know it all-spoiled girl cos' I'm not. I've been nearly independent my whole entire life becos' of the fact that my parents we're always working 2 jobs and never being at home. I know how to manage everything and I pay my own bills.

TRUST ME....I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG !

California Trip 06/04-09/09

it's one of those feelings where you know you belong.

the feeling where you don't want to leave & the feeling of emptiness when your away from it.

that's how i felt when i left California :'( it absolutely sucks that I'm not there anymore.

I told myself that I WILL concentrate in college and work my ass off so that I can move to California

as soon as I can. That I WILL save money so I can go there every 3 to 6 months.

to sum up my experience in California.

June 5, 2009

- arrived in LAX around 6 am

- arrived in SAN around 8 am

- took a nap til' 2 pm

- got ready for my cousin Adam's graduation at Mt. Miguel HS

- Adam's graduation

- dinner at New East Buffet

- back to my auntie's house

- plaza bonita

- movies, watched UP

- back home.

June 6, 2009

- plaza bonita

- bank of america

- cousin Adam's graduation party

- shopping

June 7, 2009

- Church at THE ROCK

- Legoland til' 4 pm

- Fashion Valley Mall

- Walmart

June 8, 2009

- Road trip

- LA

- Anaheim

- California Adventure Park

- Disneyland

June 9, 2009

- left SAN to LAX at 8 am

- left LAX to HNL at 2pm

-arrived in HNL 5 pm HNL time.

I MISS CALIFORNIA!

reason,

it sucks to see you like this.

What's done is done,

I had one of the best conversation earlier.

all i can say is, you know what you need to do

& if you know it's the right thing then go for it.

I've done what I could but NOTHING, so I'll

leave it as it is & let it be. Resolve what needs 

to solved because even if I'm not the one having

this problem, it's hurts me. 

IT CAN'T BE LIKE THIS.

four twenty-four twenty one

this has been an unforgettable day and by unforgettable i don't mean in a good way. After the clock hit midnight the day became more and more eff'd up. First i heard the most horrible news i've heard in so long. Our friend Dylan passed away. It really shocked me because i thought he was doing better but i guess not. I know i should've went to the hospital when i found out that it was going to be the last day to see Dylan. I would've gone in a heart beat if i had a ride there but i didn't. I didn't know Dylan as well as my other guy friends did but I was getting to know him & right when I was starting to talk to him even more something like this happened. I really care about him & everyone else i know even if i knew them for a day or for 10 years. A friend is a friend and to lose someone is something no one wants go through. I remember the night we we're all chilling at Jo's house and you we're stoned in Myles car & you started talking to me. Oh man, i won't forget. These are memories that I will always cherish. Or those night at Tantalus :'( I honestly am going to miss you. I cried so much & i didn't go to sleep when i found out from amanda that you had pasted. I really do regret not seeing you for that one last time. If i could rewind time a day back I would. May you rest in peace Dylan Alao, I know your in a better place now. May you rest in peace. (April 21, 2009) I'll Miss you.


As the day progressed, I couldn't attend school because of a financial aid situation. When I was telling my mom about the situation she started yelling at me. When people yell at me, i can't hold my temper so i started yelling back at her. From at one simple conversation it turned out to become an emotion ride. My mom started crying telling me that I didn't have respect for her & that i can't carry a conversation with her without not yelling at her once. I know i shouldn't have blew up and yelled. I felt so bad when my mom started crying.


what else could go wrong?!

surprises,

Life's full of surprises! It's more than I can handle, one after another.


yours truly,
Aimee

lately,

i haven't gon on this. i been working so much that i don't have time to really post any new blogs. but recently I went on a vacation with my boyfriend, cousin & her boyfriend for 4 days. We had tha' time of our lives, seriously. just tha' 4 of us. we all needed it. We're gonna start doing it every other month. I got a job at bubba gumps & forever 21. && i've been working soo much! I got my license :))))

&& that's it. LOL i'll try my best to keep this updated.



yourstruly, aimee.

BECAUSE....

In life I fuck things up. I don't plan it but yet it occurs to many times.
I tell myself maybe it's meant to be that way becos' I'm not meant to
be happy or meant to be good at anything. I wonder what's my purpose
in life? I know that what I'm doing right now isn't my purpose. I put
in my mind that THIS IS THE LAST TIME but it never does get in my head,
like it's just some silly thought when it really isn't. I have so many
plans for myself and I know that what I'm doing isn't one of them. I hear
from so many people that "I'm better than that" or "I have so much potential I just need to put my talents into use" things like that. Maybe I just need a push,
something or someone to help me achieve what I want to. I'm just so use to doing
things on my own because my parents we're always to busy doing this and that
to notice. IDK! but one things for sure, I know now to listen to that voice
in my head that's telling me to do what's right. I need to refocus and
keep repeating to myself the goals I have in life. NO MORE SCREW UPS!!!

memories

121605, sophmore year, senior year, 2008, senioritis my junior year, saving my house from burning, prank calling at 2 in tha' morning, 18th birthday hotel party, purple & yellow theme, hawaii prince hotel, waipahu homecoming games, sleepovers at my house, 2nd homes, bestfriends, losing bestfriends, tantlus, hawaiian brian nights, drinking at jojo's, talking til' 6 in tha' morning, graduation, getting caught by tha' cops, charleys, pearlridge chillin', zippy's, walmart late nights, hotel parties, court, summer 2008, karaoke lounge, punching holes in walls, hookah sessions, miki's, aivacryshajama, 8wheels, TGK, one year anniversaries, 2-in-1 151 shots, chillin' late nights, seeing old friends, meeting new friends, Boyz 2 Men Concert, movie nights, giving advice on aim & in text, being tha' best friend I can be, match maker, jerkin' in front of matt's house, chillin' on matt's couch, joggin' tha' stadium, myspace arguements, planning about our move to California, vacations about vegas, breakups, heartaches, ABDC at my house, ewa beach, chocolate park, smoke breaks, sneaking people out, && friends that never left.

[...I'M HAPPIEST WHEN I'M QUIET...]

IF YOU DON'T KNOW  NOW YOU KNOW.

............IT'S ALL ABOUT THA' WHO'S WHO & WHO DID WHAT. I'M NOT ABOUT THAT!

lately,

i haven't cared about anyone & anything. I'm so tired of trying to please everyone. Everything's just so annoying right now. i dont need to please people & i don't need to prove my self to anyone. i can't stand it, UGHH!! i'm done with all tha' bullshit && drama. i hate it when i have to choose, it's driving me crazy to tha' point where i just want to scream STFU to tha' world. I'm so torn between everything, i'm going downhill because of it. I'm failing 3 out of my 4 classes & i've been doing things that i don't usually do.

feb28th, 2009

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO ME! :] today not only mark's my nineteen years living but it also marks our one year anniversary! Overall, today was one of the best days of my life. In tha' afternoon Crystel, Kat & I went to liquid metals to get piercings. Too bad we couldn't record. Crystel & I did our noses & kat did her naval. Even though we waited for about three hours in line it was well worth it. Thanks to everyone who came to my party, & no thanks to those who didn't. It just shows who'll do just about anything to come :] I had a lot of fun either way. I met new friends once again & it's such a great feeling. This day couldn't have gotten any better. Everyone was just having fun, no dramas for once & everyone enjoyed tha' night. I talked stories with just about everyone :] & caught up on some news. Lol

Nights like these are going to happen more often :]



....................here's to great friends :]

out of place,

(viaaa sidekick08)

Ever felt like your in a place that you were never meant to be at? Like your in a place for the wrong reason. I feel like that all the time. I feel like I don't belong where I'm at right now. That I can do so much better & be so much better off somewhere else. I'm going nowhere where I'm living. I want to get out of here sooo badly, but schools in the way & I don't want to go through the hassel of transfering schools. I wake up everyday look at the ceiling, look around & scream inside.

I just want to start over in a new place & never come back. I was hoping to move in past July but because my parents didn't have enough money & they didn't get approved for financial aid for me to go to AI (Arts Institute) of Los Angeles so I'm SUCK HERE! I dream of the day when I can get out of this place & move to California with my boyfriend, & bestfriend.


I'm just counting the days....



Yours truly, Aimee

Giving up

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. 

I don't want to feel all this pain that I'm feeling.

It hurts to think and times.

I WISH I could take back all the things that

happened in my past, but I know it's not

gonna happen. I've made so much mistakes

throughout my life that I just can't take it 

anymore. I'm still paying for the consequences

til' this day & I have been reminded on a daily

how much of a screw up I am. How I just 

can't do anything right and everything I do

is pointless and stupid. It sucks to have people

I love so much put me down in so many ways.

I don't ever get praised for the good things I've done

they just always point out and remember how bad 

I was when I was younger. I'm suffering because

of all the bullshit people put me through. NOBODY

gets it & NOBODY understands and will never EVER

understand the exact situation that I'm in on a daily

basis. I try to prove to myself and to everyone that 

I'm not a screw up and that I've grown and learned

to do and be better but somehow it doesn't work!

I hate being like this. I just wanna take everything

back, start over and redo everything but I can't

because IT'S LIFE!

>;(